'If life looks like easy street, then danger is at your door'. - Grateful Dead

Imagine a time in your life with no stress, pain, depressed moods or worries about one thing or another. Now as you imagine that life - what do you notice about your struggles and subsequently your acquisition of new skills? How is the enrichment of your understanding of how people and commerce work and interact with each other in the world? What do you notice about the development of your resilience? What do you notice about your willingness to take risks - even calculated ones? Well, if you are honest with yourself, you probably did not visualize much of an increased resiliency, development of new coping skills or an enriched understanding of how people interact effectively to make commerce work. 

Now, sit back and do the same exercise but this time sit back and as objectively as possible ask yourself what have you learned and gained from overcoming your many adversities associated with starting or running a small business? You probably noticed that you learn best from your challenges and your challenges become your greatest teachers. You probably also realized that experience and maturity is not bestowed to the meek nor is success for the faint of heart. To quote Marcus Aurelius, "Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body".  

It is no secret that to be successful at anything there must be some sacrifices made and acceptance of the expected discomfort that process will bring. If you want to become a more powerful and agile athlete or a master in your trade or become a leader in your field of study/work - acceptance of discomfort, time commitments and hard choices have to be made. But, there is a difference between discomfort and pain that wounds you. The ability to know the difference as well as balancing discomfort and self-care is a necessity to achieving success. 

So how do you know which sacrifices made in the process of building your business are healthy and needed discomforts to provide the stimuli for growth, versus unhealthy pains that wound you? Try answering these (4) questions as truthfully as possible.  

• What is the purpose of the sacrifice that I am making, and do I identify with the hoped for outcome(s)? 

• How does this adventure and the steps I am taking to achieve success match up with my values?  

• Holistically, what is the return on investment for the expected and unexpected sacrifices I know I will have to make? 

• What would the 5-year version of me, that lives and breathes the values I hold dearest; advise me in achieving my definition of success? 

  
  

These four questions can be used to help you determine if your sacrifice is worth the investment in just about any endeavor. When I work with one of my fitness clients and I am designing a fitness program for them - answering a version of these questions are essential. For example, if a client comes to me and values a life where he or she can be a bit more active in order to interact with their children or grandchildren more easily, I want to make sure the fitness plan matches the client’s values. It would not make sense for me to start training them for a triathlon or body building competition if the client never wanted to be a tanned up hulking grandmother or pressuring them to be logging hours on the bike, in the pool and pounding the pavement. Never mind the PT’s reading this article would be furious at me for having another patient walk in their doors due to another over ambitious trainer. 

After you have answered these questions, the next part to this is being honest with the way you handle stressors. Understanding if you have a healthy strategy for handling stress is crucial. For example, reflect on the following questions - What is the purpose of the sacrifice that I am making, and do I identify with the hoped for outcome? How does this adventure and the steps I am taking to achieve success match up with my values? Exploring these questions can help clarify whether your efforts are rooted in meaning and whether your coping strategies support long-term well-being.

In the example above, if you answered that the purpose of the success is to build a life doing something you have a passion for and also the mission of your work lines up with your values but the demands of the small business are not allowing you to live your values (being present with your family, being empathetic and keeping physically fit) - then sitting down with a therapist might be beneficial in order to work on tools to help you get on back on track. Holistically, working with a therapist would help your investment in the business produce a positive return and would probably lead to your 5-year self to advise you on making the sacrifices needed to start or grow your business. 

Working with a therapist to help you develop the skills needed to manage the stressors of starting, running or even growing a business can have huge payoffs. Skills that a therapist can help with developing or help make existing skills stronger are things like learning to let go, increased resilience when having to have uncomfortable conversations with peers, co-workers, employees or customers as well as tools to help build effective and realistic boundaries. As a therapist, trainer and small business owner myself, I can tell you from first-hand experience that having someone to help you process the stressors is essential when trying to find the balance between business, family and life.

If you would like more information or support in building a more resilient you so you can stay focused on what is important to you in your life, feel free to reach out to me at Dave@BHPFitness.com or 401-203-5779 anytime.